My friend, Caroline Nixon, has written this wonderful book entitled A Mom's Guide to Sanity. She is a perfectly centered and controlled mother of two. Actually, to quote the cover, she is "calm, cool, and collected." The minute I stepped foot into her perfectly organized home, an ideal model of feng shui at its finest, I knew this woman had it together. I do not. In fact, if I were to write a book about my motherhood experience so far, it would be entitled, The Real Reason Mothers Go Insane. I am the market for her book. I am the real reason books like hers even exist.
Even though her home may look spotless, Caroline understands the challenges of the stay-at-home mom. Along with the requisite qualities mothers must posses, like a sense of humor and a sea of patience, Caroline knows the real key to staying sane is acceptance. In her Afterward, "Letting Go," she challenges other moms "to be kind not only to themselves but to other moms as well." She goes on to point out, "It is difficult enough even dealing with a three year old having a full blown tantrum in the middle of God knows where" (That was me last week -in the busy parking lot of Harris Teeter holding a screaming preschooler with one arm, and with my free arm, pushing a rickety cart holding a mountain of groceries and my other unhappy baby). "But to look up only to see glaring eyes from other women, moms, is unhelpful and hurtful. Should we not support each other?"
Yes! Thank you, Caroline! I know I can count on you for a sympathetic nod when my preschooler has an accident and needs to be changed in the back of my SUV in front of all the world to see, or when my toddler screams murder and hits me in the face when I try to put him in his car seat. No, I am not abusing my child! How long we will be in this parking lot before everyone is safe and quiet in their seats, because God knows I can't multi-task when I am driving?! Why just last week, while hauling two tired and hungry boys around a new city in busy lunch-hour traffic, I rear-ended the businessman in front of me at a red light...
Thank God we are all fine. Thank God we are finally calm, cool, and collected (for now).
Friday, March 26, 2010
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Meet the Swim Team
I had my reservations about sharing this story, but I thought I should get it down just for the sake of posterity, and please, before you judge me, or worse call child protective services, just remember this: my boy tots are 19 months apart in age, and I'm pretty sure they are both geniuses. So, here we go.
We are about to make our third family move in 16 months. In the fall of 2008 we moved from Charlotte, NC to Fayetteville. At that time Camden had just turned 2 and Cavan was 5 months old and crawling. Cavan learned to walk in our Fayetteville house, and he was doing his best to keep up with his older brother. We lived in Fayetteville a whopping 9 months before we had to move again to Wilmington, NC. Fayetteville is not at the top of my list of the safest places for young children (no offense); therefore, our house had key locks, as well as chain locks on all doors.
When we moved to the Wilmington house, it never occurred to me that Camden might be able to unlock the doors and wander down the way to introduce himself to the neighbors. The locks on the house in Wilmington were dead bolt and could be opened with just the right amount of effort. Apparently, Camden had it in the bag. His fine motor skills were developing behind my back and his chubby little fingers had turned into slick, skilled digits.
One fine September morning, just a week or so after we moved into the new "beach" house, conveniently located 5 miles from the ocean in a quiet gated community of mostly retired transplants, I turned the boys loose to play in packing boxes while I took a few minutes to brush my teeth. You'd think a mom could manage a few minutes for those kinds of things, right? Wrong.
While brushing my teeth and enjoying getting comfortable in the new Master bathroom, I began to think that things were a little too quiet. I turned the water off and called for the boys. No answer. Oh, no. I ran to the living room and there was no sign of the boys. No problem, it was a big new house; they had to be somewhere inside. They were not. I quickly turned in circles around the living room, and I began to panic. In mid-spin I noticed the door to back porch was opened. "Oh, Dear Lord!"
There is a small ditch in the back yard that serves as a sort of border between our property and the neighbor's. There are no fences in the neighborhood-it's just a giant backyard free-for-all. It is designed so because the association pays for lawn care (where one guy can ride in and raze all the lawns in one giant sweep). It's a terrific service if you are retired and don't care about fences and such-not terrific if you have young tots and need boundaries. Because the drainage is terrible (non-existent), the ditch fills with water every time it rains even a little.
I ran outside to find the boys swimming and splashing like ducks in the puddles left by the early morning rain. I ran crying ran as fast as I could (which is pretty speedy considering I used to be a track star), and I swept up both boys, one under each arm, and ran straight to the house, their wet little limbs swinging wildly.
I dried them off and thanked God they were safe. I called Ryan to insist we have the locks changed immediately to a child-proof system. I now literally keep the boys under lock-and-key, and I keep the key on top of the mantel. The next day the boys and I met the backyard neighbor, and he informed me he had already gotten a glimpse of the boys splashing around in his backyard. Really? And you thought you'd just enjoy the show from your patio? Welcome to the neighborhood.
We are about to make our third family move in 16 months. In the fall of 2008 we moved from Charlotte, NC to Fayetteville. At that time Camden had just turned 2 and Cavan was 5 months old and crawling. Cavan learned to walk in our Fayetteville house, and he was doing his best to keep up with his older brother. We lived in Fayetteville a whopping 9 months before we had to move again to Wilmington, NC. Fayetteville is not at the top of my list of the safest places for young children (no offense); therefore, our house had key locks, as well as chain locks on all doors.
When we moved to the Wilmington house, it never occurred to me that Camden might be able to unlock the doors and wander down the way to introduce himself to the neighbors. The locks on the house in Wilmington were dead bolt and could be opened with just the right amount of effort. Apparently, Camden had it in the bag. His fine motor skills were developing behind my back and his chubby little fingers had turned into slick, skilled digits.
One fine September morning, just a week or so after we moved into the new "beach" house, conveniently located 5 miles from the ocean in a quiet gated community of mostly retired transplants, I turned the boys loose to play in packing boxes while I took a few minutes to brush my teeth. You'd think a mom could manage a few minutes for those kinds of things, right? Wrong.
While brushing my teeth and enjoying getting comfortable in the new Master bathroom, I began to think that things were a little too quiet. I turned the water off and called for the boys. No answer. Oh, no. I ran to the living room and there was no sign of the boys. No problem, it was a big new house; they had to be somewhere inside. They were not. I quickly turned in circles around the living room, and I began to panic. In mid-spin I noticed the door to back porch was opened. "Oh, Dear Lord!"
There is a small ditch in the back yard that serves as a sort of border between our property and the neighbor's. There are no fences in the neighborhood-it's just a giant backyard free-for-all. It is designed so because the association pays for lawn care (where one guy can ride in and raze all the lawns in one giant sweep). It's a terrific service if you are retired and don't care about fences and such-not terrific if you have young tots and need boundaries. Because the drainage is terrible (non-existent), the ditch fills with water every time it rains even a little.
I ran outside to find the boys swimming and splashing like ducks in the puddles left by the early morning rain. I ran crying ran as fast as I could (which is pretty speedy considering I used to be a track star), and I swept up both boys, one under each arm, and ran straight to the house, their wet little limbs swinging wildly.
I dried them off and thanked God they were safe. I called Ryan to insist we have the locks changed immediately to a child-proof system. I now literally keep the boys under lock-and-key, and I keep the key on top of the mantel. The next day the boys and I met the backyard neighbor, and he informed me he had already gotten a glimpse of the boys splashing around in his backyard. Really? And you thought you'd just enjoy the show from your patio? Welcome to the neighborhood.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
910 Magazine Article: I'll Take Mine with Tots
I'll take mine with tots
By Michelle Evans Jarrell
Correspondent
Imagine an exasperated mother shoveling down food and pleading with her 5-year-old to eat something on his plate while her dining partner, who is quickly running out of ways to entertain her toddler, is chasing the young one through the aisles.
Does this sound like you? Wouldn’t it be nice to enjoy an evening out with the family in a restaurant that satisfies children and adults? Don’t let the thought of another meal out give you indigestion; we have a few solutions. In this article you will find a few tips on dining out with children, plus 910 area moms share their advice and favorite kid-friendly restaurants.
TIPS FOR DINING OUT
Whenever possible, make a reservation.
It is common knowledge that children do not have the attention spans of adults, yet somehow many parents seem to forget this fact when expecting their kids to wait 20 minutes for a table, 15 minutes to order and then another 20 minutes for the meal.
Popular restaurants can have waits as long as 45 minutes on the weekends. Some adults have trouble waiting that long for a table. Take advantage of establishments that offer call-ahead seating, where your name is placed on the waiting list when you call. By the time you get there, your wait is much shorter.
Call for menus in advance.
While it may not be possible in every situation, a little time spent planning a meal can go a long way with small children, whether eating at home or dining out. If your child has a persnickety palate, call the restaurant and have them fax or e-mail you the menu. Most chain restaurants, and many other savvy establishments, post their menus online to entice diners.Visiting the restaurant’s Web site also is a great way to learn about specials, including nights when kids eat free. Plus, the less time you spend studying menus, the sooner the food will be served on the table.
Pack a bag of treats and games.
Consider bringing something unobtrusive to entertain your child during the wait, such as a hand-held video game or a coloring book. If you know your child is hungry (or will become so before dinner is finally served), carry along a couple of snacks to sustain him in the meantime.
Dine during off-peak hours.
You might not normally choose to eat supper at 4:50, but if you are visiting a trendy restaurant, that could mean a major difference in your wait time. Moreover, if you arrive just before the restaurant is in full swing, you can relax more knowing there is not another family within 50 feet of you, and you can enjoy the undivided attention of your server.
KID-FRIENDLY EATS (NOT YOUR TYPICAL FAST FOOD)
Joe’s Crab Shack, particularly the one on McPherson Church Road in Fayetteville, is a favorite because of the outdoor playground. During warmer months, families can dine on the patio, and parents of squirmy children can take turns going down the slide. Joe’s is a very friendly, upbeat environment where the wait staff keeps things interesting by breaking out in the occasional line dance. The music and lights might be overwhelming for parents of babies, but if you visit during the slower hours, you can enjoy a wonderful meal without the crowd. The children’s menu offers typical kid food (pizza, chicken fingers, etc.), but it also has healthier options, such as grilled chicken and steamed vegetables. The restaurant also offers kids meal deals on Tuesday nights, where children can eat for about $2.
“Welcome to Moe’s!” When you don’t want to wait long for a meal, but you would like something different from the usual fast-food fare, Moe’s Southwest Grill is one solution. This casual and friendly restaurant boasts a mouthwatering menu of fat burritos and tacos, and children (and parents) will love the free chips and salsa that come with every meal.
Ruby Tuesday, the casual American-style restaurant and bar, allows customers the option of making reservations online. No more waiting for a table! Ruby Tuesday offers a variety of food on the children’s menu to suit almost any taste. The colorful salad bar offers a nice distraction for younger children where they can help you pick out your toppings. High chairs are readily available, and the restaurant also provides a coloring sheet and crayons.
Chick-fil-A is not your typical fast food restaurant. When compiling this list, I thought I would stay clear of fast food types, but when my family visits Chick-fil-A, we always dine-in! No article on child-friendly eats could leave this restaurant out. Of course they serve chicken nuggets and waffle fries, but the fruit cup is delicious, too. Chick-fil-A is the only fast food joint I have ever visited where someone offers to carry my tray every single time I approach the counter (with my children in tow, of course).
WHAT OTHER MOMS SAY
Cheryl Jo Allin, a home-school coordinator and mother of two (and this issue’s Everyday Mom), suggests asking for crackers or chips while you wait and having the server bring the children’s food as soon as it is done. She also dishes on her favorite family restaurant: “Chili’s is my family’s top pick restaurant in the Fayetteville area. (They) have crayons and paper for your kids to color with and normally will cater to your children’s likes by changing the menu. In addition, I have a child with severe food allergies, and they have accommodated our needs very well.”
Julie Small, mother of two, tells us her favorite family restaurant is On The Border. Her advice for a positive restaurant experience is to introduce children to dining out early on: “We started taking our kids out as babies. They are used to going to restaurants and have no trouble (even at 1 and 3) going to dinner.”
Sara Reider, stay-at-home mom of three, loves restaurants where children eat free because there are sure to be plenty of other families with young ones. Her trick for a more pleasant restaurant experience: “I always bring snacks and their Leapfrog game systems to keep them occupied. They also like coloring, so unless I know they will have crayons, etc., I always make sure to bring my own.”
Caroline Nixon, Fayetteville native and author of the book “A Mom’s Guide to Sanity,” enjoys casual dining restaurants, and her family particularly likes Red Robin. She talks about the lesson that can be learned from dining out: “I think it is important for the kiddies to be able to be in a public place (for a reasonable length of time) without going crazy. Other countries don’t tend to accommodate the kids as much as we do.” Her advice for calming an uncooperative child: “I think leaving at least for a minute or two also can teach the child that they cannot act that way and stay at the cool restaurant.”
By Michelle Evans Jarrell
Correspondent
Imagine an exasperated mother shoveling down food and pleading with her 5-year-old to eat something on his plate while her dining partner, who is quickly running out of ways to entertain her toddler, is chasing the young one through the aisles.
Does this sound like you? Wouldn’t it be nice to enjoy an evening out with the family in a restaurant that satisfies children and adults? Don’t let the thought of another meal out give you indigestion; we have a few solutions. In this article you will find a few tips on dining out with children, plus 910 area moms share their advice and favorite kid-friendly restaurants.
TIPS FOR DINING OUT
Whenever possible, make a reservation.
It is common knowledge that children do not have the attention spans of adults, yet somehow many parents seem to forget this fact when expecting their kids to wait 20 minutes for a table, 15 minutes to order and then another 20 minutes for the meal.
Popular restaurants can have waits as long as 45 minutes on the weekends. Some adults have trouble waiting that long for a table. Take advantage of establishments that offer call-ahead seating, where your name is placed on the waiting list when you call. By the time you get there, your wait is much shorter.
Call for menus in advance.
While it may not be possible in every situation, a little time spent planning a meal can go a long way with small children, whether eating at home or dining out. If your child has a persnickety palate, call the restaurant and have them fax or e-mail you the menu. Most chain restaurants, and many other savvy establishments, post their menus online to entice diners.Visiting the restaurant’s Web site also is a great way to learn about specials, including nights when kids eat free. Plus, the less time you spend studying menus, the sooner the food will be served on the table.
Pack a bag of treats and games.
Consider bringing something unobtrusive to entertain your child during the wait, such as a hand-held video game or a coloring book. If you know your child is hungry (or will become so before dinner is finally served), carry along a couple of snacks to sustain him in the meantime.
Dine during off-peak hours.
You might not normally choose to eat supper at 4:50, but if you are visiting a trendy restaurant, that could mean a major difference in your wait time. Moreover, if you arrive just before the restaurant is in full swing, you can relax more knowing there is not another family within 50 feet of you, and you can enjoy the undivided attention of your server.
KID-FRIENDLY EATS (NOT YOUR TYPICAL FAST FOOD)
Joe’s Crab Shack, particularly the one on McPherson Church Road in Fayetteville, is a favorite because of the outdoor playground. During warmer months, families can dine on the patio, and parents of squirmy children can take turns going down the slide. Joe’s is a very friendly, upbeat environment where the wait staff keeps things interesting by breaking out in the occasional line dance. The music and lights might be overwhelming for parents of babies, but if you visit during the slower hours, you can enjoy a wonderful meal without the crowd. The children’s menu offers typical kid food (pizza, chicken fingers, etc.), but it also has healthier options, such as grilled chicken and steamed vegetables. The restaurant also offers kids meal deals on Tuesday nights, where children can eat for about $2.
“Welcome to Moe’s!” When you don’t want to wait long for a meal, but you would like something different from the usual fast-food fare, Moe’s Southwest Grill is one solution. This casual and friendly restaurant boasts a mouthwatering menu of fat burritos and tacos, and children (and parents) will love the free chips and salsa that come with every meal.
Ruby Tuesday, the casual American-style restaurant and bar, allows customers the option of making reservations online. No more waiting for a table! Ruby Tuesday offers a variety of food on the children’s menu to suit almost any taste. The colorful salad bar offers a nice distraction for younger children where they can help you pick out your toppings. High chairs are readily available, and the restaurant also provides a coloring sheet and crayons.
Chick-fil-A is not your typical fast food restaurant. When compiling this list, I thought I would stay clear of fast food types, but when my family visits Chick-fil-A, we always dine-in! No article on child-friendly eats could leave this restaurant out. Of course they serve chicken nuggets and waffle fries, but the fruit cup is delicious, too. Chick-fil-A is the only fast food joint I have ever visited where someone offers to carry my tray every single time I approach the counter (with my children in tow, of course).
WHAT OTHER MOMS SAY
Cheryl Jo Allin, a home-school coordinator and mother of two (and this issue’s Everyday Mom), suggests asking for crackers or chips while you wait and having the server bring the children’s food as soon as it is done. She also dishes on her favorite family restaurant: “Chili’s is my family’s top pick restaurant in the Fayetteville area. (They) have crayons and paper for your kids to color with and normally will cater to your children’s likes by changing the menu. In addition, I have a child with severe food allergies, and they have accommodated our needs very well.”
Julie Small, mother of two, tells us her favorite family restaurant is On The Border. Her advice for a positive restaurant experience is to introduce children to dining out early on: “We started taking our kids out as babies. They are used to going to restaurants and have no trouble (even at 1 and 3) going to dinner.”
Sara Reider, stay-at-home mom of three, loves restaurants where children eat free because there are sure to be plenty of other families with young ones. Her trick for a more pleasant restaurant experience: “I always bring snacks and their Leapfrog game systems to keep them occupied. They also like coloring, so unless I know they will have crayons, etc., I always make sure to bring my own.”
Caroline Nixon, Fayetteville native and author of the book “A Mom’s Guide to Sanity,” enjoys casual dining restaurants, and her family particularly likes Red Robin. She talks about the lesson that can be learned from dining out: “I think it is important for the kiddies to be able to be in a public place (for a reasonable length of time) without going crazy. Other countries don’t tend to accommodate the kids as much as we do.” Her advice for calming an uncooperative child: “I think leaving at least for a minute or two also can teach the child that they cannot act that way and stay at the cool restaurant.”
High-speed chases never end well
Just to refresh your memories, I have two boys (Camden 3, and Cavan 17 months). Right now we are in the stage where every routine involving diapering, dressing, brushing teeth, or washing hands is an epic battle. I have tried everything, from singing songs to dangling shiny toys in front of their eyes, to try and slow them down long enough to change a diaper or wipe a nose. Hygiene is the biggest challenge we are facing now as far as I'm concerned. I can handle it if they can't yet grasp the concept of sharing, but nothing stresses me out more than trying to hold down a flailing toddler while attempting to remove a toxic diaper. This morning's attempt to wipe the oatmeal from Cavan's face almost resulted in another ER visit.
We enjoyed cinnamon oatmeal this morning for breakfast (Camden's favorite). At 17 months old, Cavan has almost mastered the spoon. Well, since I am not Betty Crocker, my oatmeal this morning was a little sticky and lumpy (hey, it wasn't instant). Cavan thought it would be more efficient to grab handfuls of the mush and shovel it in his mouth. He also delighted in in smearing the leftovers all around the highchair chair, as if he were working on his next finger-painting masterpiece. He signaled the end of breakfast by standing straight up in his highchair (he can unbuckle himself now, so there is no point). When he stood I grabbed him so he wouldn't fall. He clung to me with his gooey hands, and I hauled him to the sink. He performed his signature "Houdini" where he becomes limp and straight at the same time and slides straight to the floor, thus freeing himself from the chains of his parent's arms. He hit the floor running, and I followed with a towel thinking I could at least wipe his hands clean. He rounded the corner of the kitchen peninsula, and his little feet slid across the hardwood floor and out from underneath him. He tumbled backwards and fell head first. Poor Cavan, I can't even tell you how many times now that child has injured his little noggin! It turns out that he is fine, and we don't need to visit the ER. He didn't want my comfort, though. He went straight to his older brother who gave him a hug and kiss on the head. I give up. High-speed chases never end well!
We enjoyed cinnamon oatmeal this morning for breakfast (Camden's favorite). At 17 months old, Cavan has almost mastered the spoon. Well, since I am not Betty Crocker, my oatmeal this morning was a little sticky and lumpy (hey, it wasn't instant). Cavan thought it would be more efficient to grab handfuls of the mush and shovel it in his mouth. He also delighted in in smearing the leftovers all around the highchair chair, as if he were working on his next finger-painting masterpiece. He signaled the end of breakfast by standing straight up in his highchair (he can unbuckle himself now, so there is no point). When he stood I grabbed him so he wouldn't fall. He clung to me with his gooey hands, and I hauled him to the sink. He performed his signature "Houdini" where he becomes limp and straight at the same time and slides straight to the floor, thus freeing himself from the chains of his parent's arms. He hit the floor running, and I followed with a towel thinking I could at least wipe his hands clean. He rounded the corner of the kitchen peninsula, and his little feet slid across the hardwood floor and out from underneath him. He tumbled backwards and fell head first. Poor Cavan, I can't even tell you how many times now that child has injured his little noggin! It turns out that he is fine, and we don't need to visit the ER. He didn't want my comfort, though. He went straight to his older brother who gave him a hug and kiss on the head. I give up. High-speed chases never end well!
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Beach Snow
For most of my life I have dreamed of living on the coast. I have enjoyed family vacations to Myrtle Beach for as long as I can remember and longed for the day when I could permanently plant my feet in some sunny, Southern sand. Each move for Ryan's job has taken us further East, and for the past 5 months, my young boys and I have had the pleasure of calling the coastal city of Wilmington, North Carolina (the Port City) our home. Being locals, we have experienced all the eccentricities of coastal living like wearing flip-flops in the winter and building snowmen out of sand. The recent winter storm, however, yielded a near miracle for the beach towns, and for the first time in my life, I played with my boys in the snow, on the beach.
On Saturday, February 13th, Valentine's weekend, Wilmington and the surrounding beaches received a stunning 5 inches of snow. Early Saturday morning, Ryan and I decked the boys in their winter gear and headed across the bridge to Wrightsville Beach. We were not alone and were delighted to see a couple of other families with young children braving the cold for some winter beach fun. A reporter and photographer from the local newspaper (Star News) was there early to capture the serene winter scene before the locals (and their dogs) made tracks in the snow. Camden arrived in time to do plenty of damage with his shovel and dump truck, and the photographer captured Camden at play. The photo made the news website! Within hours the snow melted, but I have a memory (and photo) that will last a lifetime!
The Boys Are Back and On The Road Again!
The boys are back and on the road again! After some time away from blogging (the boys keep me on the go), I have decided to commit to this blogging thing (notice the new title, still subject to my whim). Blogging might be my only friend for a while because the latest news is that we are moving AGAIN!
This will make our 3rd move in 16 months. From Charlotte, to Fayetteville, to Wilmington, oh my! The lucky new city is Savannah, Georgia, and I am thrilled we will still be able to enjoy coastal living. We are planning to buy a house and stay for a while. Georgia doesn't know what's coming!
In between packing, unpacking, and changing diapers, I will try to organize this blog. In case you've missed us (don't worry, we move fast), I'll categorize stories into "Rewind" "Pause" and "Fast forward" depending on the story location (i.e. "Rewind Charlotte: The New House"). Stay tuned for more stories from the beach and updates on our move.
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